my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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