whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
