so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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