I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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