We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize