i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
