Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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