just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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