would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
