Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
