So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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