I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
