with your own penis?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
