I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
