Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
