no, he came in my armpit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
