Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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