HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize