I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
