It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
