Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
