I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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