Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
