they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
