I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
