OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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