It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
