I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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