i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
