We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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