just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
