i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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