my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Come see our sink grown plant.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
