No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
