dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
