I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
third nipple confirmed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
