She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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