You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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