I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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