i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
