You can't special order awesome
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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