a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
