This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
