Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
