He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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