I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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