I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
