well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
