I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
