I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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