My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize