My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
