I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
