does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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