she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
