Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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