What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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