the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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