Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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