Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
