Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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