did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Randomize
